I am a minority, I understand that, the system is supposedly stacked against men in every way possible when it comes to divorce and specially when children are involved. Personally, I think a majority of men are just weak. Many also look at the freedom they will have when not shackled down by their children. Children are a burden, one that has it up days and down days. However, one overall that should be joyous.
First off, yes, there can be peaceful divorces, they usually involve financial rape of some sort due to the man just saying he is done and wants it to be over. This is all to common. This leads to a peaceful life of sorts after the marriage, that might be what you are thinking you need. I am going with its what she wanted not what you needed. In these conversations seldom do I hear satisfaction of the outcome. Bitterness and self-loathing are often prevalent. An exception to the above would be prenups, yet I would say these are too few and far in between to make a impact.
Personally, I am of the mind that men should go to war. I think their end goal should be 100% custody of their children. That they hold onto their hard-earned money. That they have the last say in what happens. Now you will tell me it does not work that way. I say you are only looking at the battles not the end goal. This is not a quick fix, this takes time, takes planning, takes work. Hard work. To make happen. You want the results you must put the time in.
To many men leave everything up to their lawyer. Yes, you need a lawyer, a dam good one, his council will save your ass. Thing is you still have to put in the work in on your end. If all you do is say make this happen, he going to collect his fees work the path of least resistance. However, you tell him you want to go war, have a plan laid out of what you wish to do. I believe a good lawyer will smile in the inside, because he sees a man with the balls to go after what he wants and not let anything stop him. They see to many men get raped and abused by the system that you will be a bit of fresh air.
Now going down this path you, YOU, have to prepare like any war. It is talked about through out this blog. Hundreds if not thousands have written to the fact that you must fix yourself, you must become the best version of yourself. You have to show when the time comes, you’re the man that can take care of things, that you don’t sweat under pressure, that you can provide, take care of and fill the needs of your children. The day will come when you stand before the judge and he will be able to tell these things.
The pendulum swings.
I am hearing of more men winning, these are the same men that have gotten their lives together. Everyone of them had a plan, they may have had weak moments, but they are not weak men. They are working to the end goal. As in fitness, business, in any endeavor they put their mind too. When men put their focus to any endeavor, watch it come to pass. For men are creators.
Now the day comes you have won. This is an important day, a very important time. Do not drop the ball, hold it tight and run, thing is you don’t stop. You must step up your game as a father when you are the only one there. You face challenges that most men will never understand unless they are single fathers also. Being a single father, is not easy. Your time is not all your own anymore, you must make concessions, your child comes first in many areas. You will have many sleepless nights, from them being sick or scared.
You will have hard conversations. You will have to explain at some point the why of the divorce, will have to help answer questions when Mother’s Day rolls around. Why certain days are missed, birthdays and holidays, special occasions. For you see unlike men who will continue to show up. Do what they can to make all these times. Women, I have noticed lose interest overtime. Find new shiny balls to chase. No not all women, but if you find yourself in a similar situation you will see this come to past also.
On one hand a son should grow up from his mother’s protection on the other hand he still needs that nurturing side. If you ever become a single father, you will see the pain and suffering, from this loss. As a father you need to work to fill this gap, there will be moments as a father that you must be more nurturing than you normally would, have the patience to see through things in a calm manner. I also believe you should seek out help in this area. Building up good rapport with neighbors, good family members, and with friends. Can help fill this void some. Though it will never be complete. Some things just are.
Hopefully the day never comes, yet if does be prepared and go to war.
Agnitio Veritas Macto
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