Before a man can indeed have a strong sense of honor, he needs to start by honoring himself.
Learning how to honor yourself in a relationship is critical for every man’s survival.
Honoring yourself takes many forms. It starts by taking care of yourself, both internally and externally. The reason why you must take care of yourself is simple. So you can take care of others. You must honor yourself so you can uphold your brother’s honor.
That is why the honor system starts within you. A man who honors himself upholds his roles and duties as a man. We know that men are protectors, providers, and leaders.
A man who cannot protect himself cannot protect others. A man who cannot provide for himself will not be able to provide for others. A man who cannot lead himself in the way he should go cannot lead others in the right direction.
An honorable man is a reliable man. But if he cannot rely on himself, how can he expect others to rely on him?
Honoring yourself means being your own protector, provider, and leader.
Fulfilling those roles on your own — and fulfilling them well — for your own sake is a great measure to tell if you are ready to have others depend on you. This is important because honor is a two-way street: you honor your brother, your brother honors you. If one of those pathways isn’t operating correctly, then both parties will suffer.
But how does a man honor the roles of being a protector, provider, and leader, for himself? How does a man honor himself?
Honoring yourself means building a healthy body to increase longevity. A strong body comes with a healthy heart. If a man keeps his heart in good health, he will live longer.
Honoring yourself means having the ability to make significant, life-altering decisions on your own. What happens if your resources are depleted when you need them most in life? A mentally strong man acquires resources independently, so if others fail him, he is less likely to fail himself.
Honoring yourself means being able to heal your own wounds. While it is easier to find healing with others’ help. The strong men you associate with — or those you want to associate with — know better than to befriend a victim who leeches off of them for support.
Honoring yourself shows other men that you are worthy of their honor.
Truth be told, man has been told that it is not suitable for him to be alone from the beginning of time. He needs other men in his life because he will not always be able to protect, provide, and lead himself. A man who values honor will not defy his own honor by taking advantage of someone else’s honor. Strong honor doesn’t allow it.
A smart man will keep himself from a harmful company. You need to ensure you are a man whose company and brothership is valuable and beneficial to others. So you are not branded as dangerous to someone else’s well being. The last thing you want is to be written off by other men — especially the men you look up to — because you are a liability to their honor.
If your honor for yourself is not sturdy and sound, you will depend on others more than you should. The harsh reality is that man must always be prepared for abandonment. Not complete abandonment, mind you. See, the men that you depend on have lives of their own. They have their own needs to tend to and the needs of a family. That is another reason why your honor to self must be strong.
But keep this in mind: There is nothing wrong with a man relying on others when experiencing hardship. It is when a man becomes utterly dependent on others that his honor becomes problematic.
You do not want to be “problematic” regarding your relationships, especially those built on honor. For the record, men do indeed build relationships off of the honor system. It’s just mostly unspoken.
However, there exists a duality here: The stronger you become, the stronger those around you must be. The stronger your honor, the more “picky” you get to be about who upholds your honor.
Your brothers must be ready to go to war with you.
Us men, we don’t fight with those we know are going to lose. We are creatures of survival. We will not allow another man to drag us down with him in his own inevitable defeat. And you shouldn’t allow someone to drag you down with them, either.
There’s a difference between fighting alongside a strong man and the battle ends in defeat, verses fighting with a weak man who was doomed to fail from the start.
You always want to be the strong man — strong for your own sake, and strong for the sake of others. That’s how honor works, and that’s how you will survive, and it’s how you will help others survive as well.
Don’t be a man that wastes other people’s time. Be a man whose honor is worth investing time in. Ultimately, men need to know a relationship is beneficial. But you will not reach that point with others unless you honor yourself. That’s why honor is a cycle, and honor to self is the basis.
An honorable man first has done well in his own life. He has built for himself a healthy body, mind, and heart. Strength must exist in those three realms of his life because those are the dimensions of himself others will rely on.
Honor is a cycle.
The strength of honor is a cycle. You ought to be strong for yourself.
Then, other strong men know they can trust your honor. When mutual trust of honor is established, then mutual dependence on each other isn’t in vain. Thus, when a man must be dependent in a season in life, those he depends on know he is capable — and able — to get back on his own feet.
This ensures that they, too, will be able to get back on their own feet thanks to their brother’s help. If honor to self is not a strong basis in a man’s life, he cannot enter this cycle.
And a man who cannot enter will not survive on his own for long. We are stronger together.
Honor yourself. Honor others as you want to be honored. Life will be much better if you do
Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
David F.A. | Arsenal Headmaster
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