I used to do a lot of outdoors stuff in my teens and 20’s. Hiking, camping, white water rafting, cliff repelling; I was never much for climbing up them, but I did enjoy bounding down them. I wasn’t married, I didn’t have any kids, I was a gypsy soul. I never stayed in a city for more than a year and very rarely did I stay that long. It was exciting to me, learning new places, finding the new local secrets, meeting new and interesting people; it was what my soul desired. The thrill of something new. You would think a life of constant change would be hectic and chaotic, but for me, it was wonderful, it was my passion. I never kept a job for very long, just long enough to save up for the next adventure and then I was off.
When I hit 29, I had met my future wife and her two sons. I didn’t know they would be my future family at the time, she was a good friend and a good woman. I knew this about her and knew any man that had her would be lucky, but a family was not on my radar, it didn’t fit my lifestyle, especially a readymade, wrapped up with a bow on top, family. We helped each other move away from situations that we both needed to get away from. Her an abusive relationship and me? I was running from a bad relationship as well, one where I had fallen into the roll of soy, beta, whatever you want to call it; I was the guy on the back burner, and I was put through the emotional ringer. I had never been in this situation, but I allowed myself to fall in love, which is something I refused to do ever since my first wife left me when I was 20.
I fell for the wrong girl, and I lost who I was. I helped this other woman leave and she helped me leave. Once in Mississippi, I went back to my wild ways, drinking, partying, and living for myself. I quickly found out that there was only one person I could count on through everything. The one I helped leave. She would nurse me through a hangover, helped me shower one night after I puked all over myself and couldn’t even stand up in the shower. I was hitting a low point in my life, and for the first time there was someone who didn’t mind helping me though it.
Back story time, my dad left when I was 11, my new stepdad was an abusive alcoholic and I really had no one other than my mother growing up, when she wasn’t in the hospital that is. I grew up without any direction except the one I made for myself. I enlisted in the ARMY at 17, they had to track my dad down to get him to sign off on it as well as my mother. The ARMY taught me nothing but drinking, smoking, and cussing. That is really my fault, I never took advantage of what the military truly offered me. Back then I blamed the world and it never dawned on me that it was my fault.
Back to 30 years old. So, I decide to enter a relationship with this woman and her kids. It took me 3 months to freak out and leave, packed my crap and got my own apartment, I had never been around kids, and now I had a 10 and a 3 year old to try and guide through this craphole world. It destroyed the boys, who was abandoned by their real dad and was abused by the ex-husband. While this probably wouldn’t have bothered me before, it played on me. Fast forward 2 months and there was a drive by in their neighborhood, a stray bullet came through the dining room window and for me, this was enough. I told her I wanted her to move with me out to a house I had just acquired in the country.
Shortly after moving in she got pregnant with my daughter, this was what stopped me in my tracks, suddenly the world was different, suddenly it wasn’t about me, it was about my family. Long story short we got married shortly after she was born, and never looked back. Both boys now call me dad, and both have asked me to adopt them. This is an honor that I can even begin to explain, something that brought me to tears, and brings up tears as I write this. There is one underlying thing that has brought me to my current stage in life. God, Abba, Elohim, YHWY, El Shaddai. Whatever name you chose to call our father and creator, his love and patience for me has been unlike anything I’ve ever known.
This is truly my beginning into true masculinity. My journey to God the father, the most high God of Israel, of Abraham, Jacob, and Isaac. I cannot begin to describe how God is the completion of manliness. He is the sculptor of our lives, and by his word, he is our great teacher. I watch men around Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and in real life and they are striving towards this goal their ultimate self. This is a noble venture and one worthy of undertaking, but it will never be complete without a surrender to Christ, and a coming to God. I have found that if you surrender to Him first, everything else becomes easier. 1 Corinthians 6:20 says, “For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
You see once, he becomes our center, our reason for doing anything, everything becomes easier to do. Rather it is becoming more physically fit, leading our families, teaching ourselves, or teaching our children. Once this becomes about God and not yourself, a joy is found in all these tasks that will never have been felt before. Colossians 3:23 “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;” Make God the center of everything you do, and you will do it better. Your desire to please God will surpass anything else.
Padre
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I like that verse. It helps keeps things in perspective and to retain a humble attitude about yourself and your place in the world. I think a good supplemental passage for the one you referenced is 2 Corinthians 9:7.
You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.”