The Challenge Of Fatherless Sons How To Start Fixing The Problem.

by Apr 13, 2021

Statistic

Fatherlessness in the USA affects seventeenish million-plus children. That statistic is from 2014, and I am sure it has gone up since then being seven years later. I bet worldwide this number is enormous. Now add how many homes have a father there in the physical form yet is all but worthless. 

I want to look at this statistic because many sons’ don’t necessarily have a father figure in their life, which could be an uncle, mentor, grandparent, or any man. Let take seventeen million and cut it in half for a rough estimate of eight half-million sons in the USA who don’t have a father. 

In the grand scheme of things, is this number over all that big. When compared to the three hundred and thirty million people in the USA. No, not really; however, it’s a considerable number in the corner of the internet that I hang out in most of the time.

Fatherless Problem

I have helped men, and I know many others who work to help men out. One thing that keeps getting bandy about is how we can help fatherless sons. Usually something like “show by leading,” “teach your son to be better,” or some abstract idea. Yes, that will help those coming up next who have a father. 

I ask you, though, what about all the sons, young men, who do not have that advantage of having the father to teach them? How do any of the platitudes thrown about supposedly help and guide those already on a losing streak and are fatherless? 

What I mostly see is “that is someone else problem” or “I won’t raise another man’s son” or something along that lines, in essence passing the buck down the road and not in a good way. Then beat up the guys that are willing to help out these young men. 

Mentality

Something bandy about in the so-called manosphere is the idea of not raising another man’s son and taking it to evil proportions if you do. Now where I believe this originated from and the thought I do agree with, If your wife got knocked up by another man and lied to you and said it was yours (IE Cheated on you), yes, you are going to be pissed. You have some difficult decisions to make. 

What I don’t believe it should refer to is adoption or if you marry a woman that has sons. I know there are the haters out there that say never to marry a single woman with kids and these same haters say something needs to be done about fatherless sons. Again passing the buck on to another, then calling him a schmuck for working to change a young man’s life. 

Another thing that the haters fall back on is studies that show how men will resent a child if it’s not theirs. I find it interesting that all through history, adoption in one form or another has been a constant thing in humanity. 

Adoption

I am one who was blessed by adoption. I have had the pleasure of having a good father and mother. Grandparents, Uncles & Aunts, and family that cared about me. I could have been a statistic on the fatherless scale. Interestingly enough, I am continually asked if I wish to seek out my biological parents. The answer is no, never really has been. Some curiosity – sure – would be lying if I said no to that. 

Being brought up well never gave me a solid reason to go looking for something that might be better and most likely wasn’t. I am of an age now that I have been making my decisions as a man for so long; what would going back really give me? The why possibly, and my question is why care? The why becomes less relevant the older you become, or should. 

Whenever I hear a man say he will never adopt a child, “beats chest,” only will have my own, it makes me listen to his reasoning of why. Is it because he wishes to build his legacy, fair enough. If I realize he is caught up in the hate of raising another man’s son, with a bunch of stupid reasoning. Then I realize the man requires growth personally. 

The ones that crack me up the most, and I feel pity for, are the men who were adopted and shit on the men who are willing to raise another man’s son. Who, without being adopted, would have gone on to the statistic of fatherless. They are throwing shade and shitting on the very man that did not have to adopt him but did. 

Marriage

Now going into dark territory that once again gets lambasted in manosphere and red pill ideology of never marry a single mother. 

Well, for young men in their twenties to mid-thirties, a good portion of the time, I would agree, start your own family. I believe there are some exceptions to the rule. For those that are past their mid-thirties, the rules for sure start to change. 

Let us look at it from the opposite angle, if you are a man with children and you lost your wife and are looking for someone to help raise your children. You could be thinking you would like more children. Either you are having more with a new wife. Finding one with children and there is nothing to say you can not have more with her either. The children are no longer fatherless or motherless. 

The nuclear family is created, which Is a benefit for all parties involved.

Looking at older men, you may or may not have children of your own, single or divorced, and you may be at a point in life that you want a family—not wanting to start from square one. Yes, you are taking on a ton of responsibility and possibly baggage. It takes a man strong in his frame to go down this path. It is not for everyone. 

The biggest takeaway from this is you may not agree with those that marry single mothers but stop shitting on the ones that do. You see, these men have stepped up to the plate (doing something many are not strong enough to do) and fixing a child’s problem of being fatherless. 

Mentors & Coaches

For fatherless young boys, having a man come into life and being a father might not set well. Very understandable. Other men can fill the role. 

Coaches often fall into the position of father figure. Yes, as a coach, if you think so or not, you or more than likely in some way filling in as a surrogate father figure. In essence, your raising another man’s child. Either in something the father can not teach his son or the boy is fatherless, having no father to teach him, he will look to you. 

Mentors can be another powerful influence in a young boy’s life. If you are mentoring a young boy once again, you are becoming a surrogate father to him. Mentors can be other men in his family or someone entirely outside of the family. Young boys will find a mentor, now if it’s a good one or not can be a challenge. 

One of the reasons gangs are so enticing, the problem here is it’s often boys looking up to other boys instead of being taught by men. There is much written on the subject of fatherlessness and those going into gangs.

Time to stop

The ranting and raving of fatherlessness needs to come to a bit of an end. Instead of talking about it, start doing something about it. Now I am not saying men go and marry all the single mothers, very possible there is a good reason they are single and damaged beyond repair.

However, at the same time, many single mothers have had the wrong cards dealt to them and are good women. 

Marriage is not your thing; start looking at how you can be a mentor to a fatherless boy. Start looking at how you can coach, but then take it up a notch, show the boys that you care, that it’s more than whatever sport you are teaching them. 

Platitudes and ideas are barely worth pixels and time spent typing them out. Stop passing the buck, always thinking someone else will solve the problem. 

If you genuinely have no desire to help a fatherless boy out. That’s fine; it is not for everyone. But don’t be the one that shits on the men for doing something that, for whatever reason, your not willing to do. 

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Questions Thoughts? Leave them in the comments.

AUTHOR

Nathan
Twitter @steeljanz
IG @barbarianrhetoric

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