Veljko Mijovic Uskovic, The Wolf With The Keyboard reached out to share one of his articles from his blog. We here at BR enjoyed that article plus the theme of his blog, we asked if he would be interested in writing for us. Which he gave BR a solid piece on building a tribe. Enjoy and check his other works out also on THE WOLF WITH A KEYBOARD.
More successful men were taken down by being betrayed by their friends than from being attracted by their enemies. Any man aspiring to be a good man needs to keep a circle of close friends he can trust and stick together with, a tribe of brothers so to say. This social net will keep you from hitting rock bottom when you fall in your life, and they will supply you with mental and social support on your journey up towards success. Having a small group of people in whom you are confident enough to rest in their hands your own life is what man have done for ages and is exactly the way that the most powerful tribes distinguished themselves from those less successful tribes which had untrustworthy people in their midst.
In the old days of our ancestors, men served a dual purpose. First as protectors of the tribe, they kept the territory of the tribe free of predators and enemies so that the women may bring up young warriors in safe conditions, and where food and shelter may be preserved. And the second purpose was to expand the territory of the tribe into the unknown land, to explore, to hunt and to conquer and eventually move their tribe to a better territory. In this endeavor, it was of great importance to know that the men of your tribe who stand beside you when you’re on a hunt, or when exploring unknown land are capable and trustworthy. Today this sense of brotherhood is most commonly seen in men who went through battle together, ex-soldier and men who worked in dangerous professions, but implementing such picky standards upon the people you are considering to summon into your inner circle is key in order to preserve the integrity of your social safety net or your band of brothers.
Many men today fail at controlling who they are close to. Today, man choose their friends mostly by the virtue of them working at the same job or being in the same neighborhood. No real criteria is applied and these forms of friendships break down easily when hard times come. They are left abandoned and forgotten by those people who were once close to them. To avoid this, you must apply a filter over who are you going to accept into your circle of friends.
Some basic criteria I’ve mentioned above, but here’s a concise list of thing I personally look for in men who I consider inviting into my circle, my tribe so to say. This filter never failed me, and even in those times when I have been betrayed it was the fault of myself now applying these criteria rigorously enough:
• A man of my tribe must be an achiever — This doesn’t have to mean that he must be financially successful, though it can mean that. This attribute describes a man who is ready to take on the world, someone who is pushing to reach his own goals, set by himself. Even if he doesn’t yet have the results, it’s important for me to know that he is working hard enough and with enough dedication to eventually achieve his goals. For if he doesn’t work on himself and towards his own betterment as a man, how can I think that he can help me in becoming a better man?
• A man of my tribe must keep his word — Whether it is a promise he gave, or keeping a secret I told him in private, a man who I can consider a friend must be able to live up to the expectation that what he says, he does without fail. Another way to put it is that he must have integrity, at least as much integrity as I have, being a man of integrity is so important for a man that I’ve written a whole other article on that topic, you can read it here when you finish this one –. The man who’s at my side must keep his word, and if he fails to do so, he’s no longer a part of my tribe, this is one of the major thing in which most friendship fail and where most people are filtered out.
• A man of my tribe must be ready to support me and the tribe — This is, of course, a reciprocal concept. If I’m not a man who going to be there for my brother in times when he’s at a low point in his life than I cannot ask of him to do the same for me. A good friend will be there for you to support you in any way you need to be supported (getting in a fight, financial trouble, emotional support) as long as it’s in the bounds of reason. If somebody is always asking you for money, it’s a clear sign he’s just using you. This is why the first thing was so important, if this guy is an achiever he won’t have so many problems that you’ll always need to babysit him, and he’ll be capable enough to assist you in times when you need assistance.
• A man of my tribe mustn’t be jealous or envious — These two sins bring conflict to even the closest friendships. A true man respects the property of his brothers, and is aware that the need to be envious is a destructive thing. If you have a good tribe, anything they achieve is your achievement as well, and anything in which they fail is your blunder as well. Wishing for a friend’s failure is very common in modern friendships, and forming a tribe of emotionally stable men who wouldn’t fall to this trap too often is the best way to ensure the integrity of your tribe.
• A man of my tribe must have similar beliefs as I do — If the highest good I can imagine in my life, and the highest virtue for which I strive is different than the virtues he strives for, we can never complement each other in achieving our goals, for the simple reason that we don’t believe in each other’s goal. I’m not saying that people from your tribe must hold the same beliefs you hold, just that their virtues, moral code and beliefs must be similar enough to your own that no conflict comes between achieving your respective goals and that no conflict comes when your tribe is presented with moral dilemmas.
All of the thing I’ve mentioned apply not only when you’re picking the people to introduce to your tribe, but also when there’s a need to exile someone from it. If a time comes when a quality of a man in your band of brothers falls drastically in any of these aspects, and there is no way for you and your tribe to get him back on the right path, by testing his virtues against these filters you can decide whether it is time for you to end your friendship.
Also, all the things mentioned here apply to you as well, if you want to be a part of a good tribe of brothers that will help you achieve your goals, and support you in your defeats, you need to adapt yourself to be the best man (in accordance to your virtues) that you can be, in order to find and fit into the tribe of men who are in the same rank as you.
Your tribe and social net is only as strong as its weakest link, be careful who you allow to call you his brother, a good group can push you up and multiply your own abilities and virtues, but a bad group can drag you down to the depths of nihilism and bad decisions.
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